


It Won't Kill You

by MovesLikeWind



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Kinda, Sicfic, hint of maybe possibly someday in the future kakashi/iruka, i needed someone else to share my misery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-08 08:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/758993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MovesLikeWind/pseuds/MovesLikeWind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something nasty is working its way through the village.  What effect does it have on our intrepid warriors?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this thing back in 2009 and had originally posted it on FF.net. I've made some minor changes, but not much else because, well, it's 4 years old and was never meant to be that good to begin with.

**Present**

Kakashi was dying.

A shudder ran down his spine as he lay on the cold floor, staring up at the glare coming off the lights overhead. He had lasted 18 hours – 18 agonizing and terrifying hours. Never in his 26 years as a shinobi had he ever endured something like this. His very bones were on fire and his muscles wouldn’t respond. His vision swam as a fresh spasm of pain wracked his already exhausted body.

“Please,” he murmured. “Please just kill me.”

But there was no one there to hear – at least no one who would stop the pain. He vaguely made out a pair of feet several steps from his head and closed his eyes as a shadow loomed over him.

“You brought this on yourself, you know,” said a voice from above his prone body.

Kakashi couldn’t stifle the moan that rose to his cracked lips.

The voice spoke again, this time edged with amusement, “I never thought I would see the famed Copy-Ninja reduced to such a pitiful state.”

Kakashi’s memory of the past 24 hours was hazy, but he was pretty sure he had never done anything in his entire *life* to deserve this. Before he could say this, though, the floor gave a dizzy lurch beneath him and he was forced to scramble to his knees before the contents of his stomach ended up in an unfortunate location. 

He made it – barely – and clung to the cool ceramic of his new favorite bathroom fixture as the spasms abated. Kakashi could sense his companion hovering a few feet away and let his head drop against his trembling arms. If Iruka looked as gleeful as he sounded, Kakashi didn't want to see it. 

Iruka disappeared for a moment and returned with a thick blanket, which he draped over Kakashi's heaving shoulders. From his own experience, he knew that the virus would work itself out of the host’s body within 24 hours. He was briefly tempted to share this information and ease his comrade's suffering, but... 

The grey-haired man slumped against the wall and drew his knees up into his chest, shivering as he pulled the blanket closer around his body.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he muttered from the floor. He didn’t look up at Iruka as the teacher bent down to lay a cool hand on his forehead.

“Naruto told me what you pulled the other day. I can only see this as some kind of just desserts.”

Kakashi’s gag reflex triggered momentarily at the mention of “dessert” but he was able to maintain his composure.

“If I would have known…” he began.

“Yes, yes,” Iruka interrupted happily. “Hindsight is 20/20.”

“Bless their little hearts,” Kakashi croaked as he once again bent over the toilet to empty the contents of his stomach.

This was definitely karma coming back to kick him in the ass.


	2. Chapter 1

**Five Days Earlier**

Iruka had been one of the first to recognize that there might be A Problem.

His kids were unusually subdued as he entered the classroom and, for the second day in a row, Konohamaru failed to attack him. In fact, for the second consecutive day, Konohamaru wasn’t even in the classroom. Neither were Moegi or Udon, the Kurosaki twins, the Inuzuka girl and Tenten’s little sister. That made two more absences from the day before. He noted this all in the time it took him to reach his desk and pull out the day's lesson plan.

It was not uncommon for ninja children to miss a half or even a full day of school, but several students missing consecutive days meant something was amiss. The class seemed a little deflated and Iruka examined them dubiously before turning to the day’s lecture.

He was halfway through a lesson about proper seclusion techniques when the sound of a child approaching made him turn from the chalkboard. Standing behind him, white-faced and sweating, was the Yamanaka boy. Alarms immediately went off in Iruka’s head and he asked the boy quietly what was wrong. What came next were the five words a teacher dreads the most.

“I don’t feel so good.”

That was all the warning Iruka needed and he managed to step out of the way before the child vomited in spectacular fashion at his feet. There was a collective sound of disgust from the raised seats around him, followed by a trembling voice a few rows back that said, “I don’t feel good either.”

Iruka looked from the miserable boy in front of him to the ghost-white face of the girl who had spoken and made a rapid decision.

“Alright!" He said loudly, raising his arms in a gesture of proclamation. "Class is cancelled for the rest of the day! Everyone go home and stay there!”

The fact that the kids didn't cheer so much as sigh in relief was enough to tell him that he had made the right decision. He watched the kids critically as they shuffled out of the room, many of them looking decidedly queasy. He offered a quick prayer to the gods that he had averted disaster; sending the kids home would likely prevent the spread of whatever bug was going around. Or at least he hoped it would.

He turned back to the tearful boy in front of him and sighed.

“I’m sorry, Iruka-sensei,” the child murmured pathetically.

Iruka gave him a sympathetic smile.

“It’s ok. It happens.”

The boy sniffed wetly and shivered.

“Give me a couple minutes and I’ll take you home, alright?” Iruka had him sit down in his own oversized desk chair before leaving the room to find a janitor. When he arrived back with the unfortunate custodian, he penned a quick note to the Hokage, informing him of the apparent flu outbreak, and headed back to collect his student. He wrapped the boy in his own jacket and swung him up piggyback.

“Just warn me if you’re going to throw up again, alright?”

The boy muttered an affirmative as he rested his head on Iruka's shoulder. Iruka walked carefully, trying to jostle the trembling child as little as possible. Arriving at the boy’s house, he deposited the child into the arms of his mother, who didn’t look much better than the student.

“Whole house has it,” she said wearily when Iruka inquired as to her health. The teacher grimaced and backed away, wishing the family well. He managed a dignified walk until he was out of sight of the Yamanaka house, and then broke into a dead sprint.

 _Shower_ , he thought, _Then tea, no, orange juice, ok, both…_

He didn't stop when friends and neighbors hailed him as he tore up the street, barely noticed when he almost unseated an old man tottering past on his bike.  He dove through is front door and locked it.

“Please, please, please…” he whispered to no one in particular as he walked down the hallway to his bathroom, stripping as he went. “I’ve been good.”

He hoped the karmic balance was leaning in his favor. He hadn't been sick in a year and desperately wanted to avoid whatever doom virus was now eating its way through the village. He gritted his teeth and bore the scalding water as it poured down his back.

_Surely I've done nothing to deserve something as awful as that._

He scrubbed furiously at his body, wondering vaguely if removing his five outermost layers of his skin would be enough to also remove the kids germs. 

He should have known better than to think that the gods had anything better to do than make his life miserable.  But for the moment, he was going to do his best to change his fate.   _  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't teach, so I have no idea what a teacher's five most dreaded words are.


	3. Chapter 2

**A Couple Days Later**

It was undeniable that the village was in the grips of a nasty flu epidemic. The Hokage closed the academy for two days and instructed people to stay out of public places.  Signs went up in the streets reminding people to wear masks if they felt ill and bottles of bleach became a coveted item in the marketplace. 

Iruka took full advantage of his time off and holed up in his apartment.  He was well-stocked with provisions and had no reason to face the suffering masses unless war broke out or he ran out of toilet paper.  After forty-eight hours of nothing more eventful than a good book and comfortable couch, Iruka was beginning to think that he had escaped disaster.

But then Naruto appeared on his doorstep.

Team 7 had just returned from a three-day mission and Naruto was eager to fill his former sensei in on all the overblown details. Iruka had briefly considered turning the child away, but then Naruto had given him a bright smile and Iruka melted.

“Alright, alright,” he said to the bouncing genin. “Let’s go for ramen.” He chuckled as Naruto punched the air and raced down the steps, leaving Iruka to lock up and chase after him.

The streets were abnormally empty, as was the ramen shop, but Iruka was perfectly okay with that. The fewer people he had to interact with, the better. He sat and listened to the kid recount the details of the mission, managing to not roll his eyes as Naruto recounted his daring rescue of an entire pasture full of dairy cows.

The boy inhaled his first bowl of noodles and requested another just as Iruka was taking his third bite. Thirty minutes later, Naruto was still going strong and Iruka was becoming aware of the beginning stages of a headache. He almost chalked it up to over-exposure to Naruto’s exuberance; but then his stomach wibbled.  He ignored it the first time, but when it happened again, he resignedly set down his chopsticks and took a sip of water. He prayed it was mere indigestion, but the rational part of his brain knew that wasn’t the case.

By the time Iruka had set down his water glass, Naruto had finished his fourth bowl of ramen. He was eyeing Iruka’s half-filled bowl with unabashed desire.

“Aren’t you going to eat any more, Iruka-sensei?” Naruto asked.

His former teacher smiled at him tiredly and replied, “No, I am finished.”

Naruto’s brain, or perhaps his stomach, interpreted those words as an invitation to finish the meal and, before Iruka could stop him, Naruto had grabbed the bowl and started shoveling the noodles into his mouth.  Iruka gaped as the food disappeared.

Naruto slurped up the last of the broth and gave Iruka an eye-crinkling grin. “Thank you, Iruka sensei,” he cried. “I’m so full!”

Iruka opened his mouth to yell at the boy for being so stupid as to eat a sick man's food, but stopped when he realized it wouldn't do any good anyway.  He hoped that the child might be spared the inevitable and paid the shop owner as a tendril of pain slowly started to curl through his belly.  He nudged Naruto in the shoulder as they stepped into the street.  

“Hey, go home and get some rest, ok?  There's something nasty going around and I'd hate to see you get sick.” 

Naruto grinned at him and gave him a thumbs up.

"Don't worry, Iruka-sensei.  I'll fight off anything that tries to get me!"  

Iruka snorted in spite of himself and waved as the kid sauntered off in the direction of his apartment.  He in the process of turning towards his own home when a fresh cramp caught him off gaurd.  He managed not to whimper, but the look on his face must have given him away because a woman approaching him quickly changed directions.  He debated for a moment whether jogging home would hasten the inevitable. He didn’t want to make things worse, but he could sense an imminent need to be near his own bathroom. The first wave of nausea swept over him and he broke into a trot. He had run through worse than this, before. Certainly he could make it three blocks.

He did – barely. He made it into his apartment just in time to slip off his sandals and wobble toward his bathroom, where, like so many before him, he offered his obeisance to the porcelain god.  When things had settled a bit, he curled himself onto the rug next to his tub, feeling thoroughly grateful that he had gone with the plush version instead of the more manly option.

“This really sucks,” he muttered to himself, and settled himself in for what would be a very long night.

__________

Twenty-four hours later found Iruka resting gingerly on his couch, a cold pack on his forehead and a mug of tea steaming gently on the table next to him. His head was pounding and he felt like his stomach had tried to claw its way out of his body, but at least he wasn’t nauseous any more. He sat as still as possible in the relative silence of his apartment, debating whether he should actually attempt to teach his class in the morning. Then his clock chimed, sending a new twinge of pain through his skull. The thought of spending eight hours in a classroom full of noisy children was enough to bring tears to his eyes.

He called Genma.

The older man didn’t quite laugh as Iruka begged him to sub for him the next day, though he didn't try to hide the amusement in his voice. The fiery teacher on the other end of the phone sounded truly miserable.

“Alright, alright,” Genma acquiesced, after Iruka promised to bake him cookies. “You don’t have to bake. I probably wouldn’t want to eat anything you gave me at this point anyway. I’ll take your students tomorrow.”

Iruka thanked him profusely, promising repayment in the future, and hung up the phone. It was because of Genma’s kindness that Iruka was able to sleep well into the next afternoon, curled warm and comfortable in his bed as Team 7 met for their daily training session. It was one that none of them would soon forget.

* * *


	4. Chapter 3

**The Day Before the Prologue**

Kakashi was late, as usual, but wasn't in any rush to get to the training grounds.  He had spent the two days since Team 7's last mission practicing new and interesting ways of dispatching his enemies and was feeling relaxed as he made his way through the village.  He sauntered through the quiet streets, which were unusually vacant, and noted the lack of a lunchtime crowd around the market.  He chalked it up to the first real cold-spell of the season and didn’t give it a second thought until he got to the bridge.

As he approached their meeting place, he noticed something was a little off. All three of his students were there but there were behaving… _strangely_. Sakura and Sasuke were standing shoulder to shoulder against the railing, but for once, the girl wasn’t fawning over her teammate. Naruto was curled in a loose ball at their feet and, as he got closer, Kakashi could hear him moaning softly.

“Good morning!” Kakashi called brightly as he strolled into their midst.  Sasuke's left eye twitched, but beyond that, nobody moved. 

Kakashi cleared his throat and scowled beneath his mask.  His kids could be a little irreverant at times, but they usually showed enough respect to return his greetings.

"Let me try that again," he said quietly.  They all shuddered, though he wasn't quite be sure why.  He certainly hadn't tried to sound particularly _menacing_.     

“It’s two o’clock,” Sasuke finally muttered.  "Good afternoon, sir."

Sasuke seemed to be staring at a stone lying in the middle of the bridge. Kakashi peered at it for a moment but saw nothing particularly special about the rock.

“Yes, well, I thought you might enjoy the morning off."

Nobody responded but Sakura heaved an excessive sigh.  

_How rude_.

Kakashi cleared his throat. “Looks like you three didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

Now there was a deliberate edge to his voice that normally would have made his students quake but at the moment, Sakura was the only one that actually looked at him.

“Not really, Sensei,” she murmured.

“Well, now, after all this rest I would think you three would be eager to get back to training!” Kakashi tried to sound encouraging but the kids only shifted around glumly.

“Yeah, but Sensei – “

“No buts! You should have plenty of energy!”

Sakura let her chin fall back on her chest.

“C'mon, guys!" Kakashi coaxed. “Naruto, no more napping! Let’s go!”

The blond boy was ghost-white when he raised his head from the wooden planks. “I…I think I ate some bad ramen, Kakashi-sensei.”

Above him, Sasuke made a soft noise that sounded like a frog was trying to crawl out of his throat.

“Well,” Kakashi said matter-of-factly. “Maybe this will be a lesson to you. How many times have I told you that ramen is no substitute for fresh fruits and vegetables.”

Sasuke made the same noise again and then whispered, “Please, Kakashi-sensei, can we stop talking about food?”

Sakura looked at her teammate worriedly. “I don’t know if training is such a good idea today, sensei,” she said quietly.

“Is that so? I’ll tell you what, I'm feeling particularly nice today.  If you work especially hard, I’ll treat all three of you to barbeque for dinner.”

He was not expecting the reaction he received, which involved Sasuke spinning around at the railing and being violently ill into the river below.  Sakura grabbed the back of his shirt to keep him from toppling off the bridge. Her own face was turning a nasty shade of green and at her feet Naruto looked like he was in pain.

“What’s wrong with you three?” Kakashi demanded, starting to sound frustrated.

“We’re sick, sensei!” Sakura cried desperately. “We’ve all got the flu or something."

"Yeah, sensei," Naruto groaned from around his feet.  "I think I'm dying."

Kakashi tsk'd and flapped a dismissive gesture at them.  “Oh, _that_.  Listen, if you’re going to let something like an upset stomach prevent you from honing your skills then you have no right to be calling yourself a ninja.”

Sasuke had righted himself and was looking at his teacher in horror. “You’re not actually going to make us train like this, are you?” His eyes were watering and he was clutching Sakura’s shoulder for support.

“Do you think if you get sick while spying on an enemy you’re just going to be able to take the afternoon off?” Kakashi’s voice was mild, but the look in his eye said he meant business.

The three genin looked at the trees, the ground, the rock - anywhere but Kakashi. Sakura was calculating whether it was beneath her dignity to beg for a reprieve. They all knew he was right, but that primal instinct to curl up and die was, at the moment, far greater than rationality.

“C’mon, now!” he called again, turning away from them and heading towards the woods. “The sooner you get started the sooner you can go home!”

Sakura and Sasuke looked at each other mournfully and then bent to hoist Naruto to his feet. They followed behind their sensei, feet dragging, wishing they had never left their beds that morning.

\----

Less than an hour later, the kids were struggling. They had been sparring – or at least trying to – until Naruto lost his balance and toppled off a tree branch. He managed to land on his feet, but had to hug a large rock for stability. Sakura and Sasuke followed him to the ground, the latter overbalancing and tumbling to a heap at the blond boy’s feet. All three of them were panting and swallowing convulsively.

High in the trees above them, Kakashi was watching out of the corner of his eye. He had to admit, the kids looked pretty bad.  They were striking and dodging with relative accuracy, but Sasuke and Naruto had periodically been disappearing into the bushes to do things that sounded distinctly unpleasant. Sakura was, inexplicably, faring better, though when the boys questioned her she only muttered something about being a woman and stalked away.

After watching them heave their way through another 30 minutes of excercies, Kakashi decided to have a little mercy.

“Alright guys, twelve laps around the field,” he called down to them. “Then you can go home.”

They gaped up at him while valiantly avoiding the desire to either smash something or burst into tears.

“He’s a monster,” Sasuke whispered to his companions.  "Really, he's evil incarnate."

“C’mon,” Kakashi called, gesturing vaguely with his book, though not really taking his eyes off the pages. “This will build character. Trust me!”

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke looked at each other in combined misery.  If nothing else, they were bonding over their hatred for this wretched afternoon.  They supported each other as they hobbled toward the large field adjacent to the woods.

“I'm gonna kill him,” Sakura declared, sounding cheerful for the first time that day.

“Uh huh,” Sasuke agreed.

Naruto groaned, “Totally.”

Up in the tree Kakashi shook his head.

“Wimps,” he muttered, turning a page and settling back onto the branch of his tree. "Who let's a little bug get in the way of their training?"

He felt pleased with his dedication to pushing his students to their limits.  It would only make them stronger in the end.  

And really - what harm could come from it?

* * *


	5. Chapter 4

**Right Before the Prologue**

Kakashi rarely got sick.  In fact, in 26 years, the Copy-Ninja had only been really ill twice, both times when he was a small child.  He liked to tell people that it was his steely constitution that kept illness at bay, though his well-being could be better attributed to the fact that he always wore a mask.  Either way, his health was a source of pride and he had even willingly challenged Gai to a competition to see who would fall victim to an illness first.  That particular competition had been going on for three years and so far, neither of them had come close to losing.  For this reason, Kakashi was feeling rather confident in his ability to avoid coming down with whatever little bug seemed to be plaguing the village. 

Unfortunately for him, the virus did not care about things as petty as pride and friendly competitions and gleefully attacked Kakashi's immune system full-force.  Unlike everyone else in the village, he only had to wait 12 hours before he felt the brunt of the flu. 

Because Kakashi hadn’t been sick in so long, he had no concept of how to handle the situation.  He panicked as the first stomach cramp floored him, and, after about 20 minutes of the most extreme elimination challenge, he was left literally unconscious next to his bathtub. 

When he came to several minutes later, he mustered enough energy to crawl to the phone that he kept on his hall table. He was desperately thankful he had had the forethought to place it so close to his bathroom.  He dialed Kurenai’s number, hoping that she would be sympathetic to his plight.  He had a vague recollection of his mother taking care of him when he was very young and sick, and Kurenai was the most motherly figure he knew (not that he would ever tell her that).  He hoped she would be willing to help him in his time of need.

The red-eyed woman was, unfortunately, already ministering to a helpless Asuma.  Kakashi could hear him muttering in the background.

“I’ll tell you what,” Kurenai sighed, after Kakashi had moaned into the phone for the 3rd time. “I’ll call around and see if someone can stop by your place. Gods willing, not everyone is sick.”

He thanked her and reached up to replace the phone in its cradle. He hoped one of the medic nin were available – they could do wonders and he, of course was a very important asset to the village. They couldn’t let him die in a shivering mass on his bathroom floor, could they?

He contemplated crawling back to the bathroom, but decided the hallway carpet was just as comfortable and rolled on his back to rest there.

When someone knocked on his door forty minutes later, he pulled himself to his feet, slipped his mask back over his face, and shuffled across his living room. The glare from the sunlight blinded him momentarily and he could only make out vague details of the person standing in front of him.

“Good evening, Sensei,” a familiar voice greeted.

Kakashi moaned involuntarily as he began to recognize who it was.

“What are you doing here, Iruka-san?” he asked, not too politely.

Iruka raised an eyebrow at the man who was swaying slightly in front of him. “Kurenai called me. She implied that you, uh, weren’t feeling well and might need someone to look after you.” In reality her words had been, 'Kakashi is being a big baby and can't take care of himself. Can you please go over and make sure he doesn't die?' But he wasn't wasn't about to repeat that to a man who was looking slightly murderous. 

Kakashi grimaced and contemplated telling the academy teacher to go away.  At that moment though, he was struck with another strong wave of nausea that made the world cant. 

“C’mon in,” he grumbled, turning back toward the bathroom.  He had shut the bathroom door before Iruka could even get his sandals off and Iruka listened half-sympathetically to the misery occurring a few paces away.  After several minutes, Kakashi reappeared shakily from the bathroom, chalk-white and sweating under the fabric of his mask. 

“How are you feeling?” Iruka called to the grey-haired man, who had disappeared into his bedroom. Kakashi didn’t say anything but appeared again dragging what looked like his bed comforter. He sniffed and looked at Iruka from under grey lashes. Even with the mask, Iruka could tell he was pouting.

Iruka smiled as the jounin pulled the blanket around his shoulders and slid to the floor, his back against the wall. Iruka set his satchel on a low table in the living room and rolled up his sleeves.

“Is there something I can get you?”

Kakashi sighed and shook his head.

“How about some ginger tea?”

“I don’t think I could keep it down.”

Iruka raised his eyebrows. “That bad, huh?”

Kakashi blinked at him sullenly. His hitai-ate was gone and he was resting his hand over his Sharingan.

Iruka hmm’d. “How long have you been sick?”

Kakashi thought for a moment. “What time is it?”

"Eleven o’clock.”

“Oh. Three hours then.”

“That’s all?!” Iruka exclaimed.

“Yeah,” Kakashi said, looking up quickly. “Why? How long does this last?”

Iruka laughed outright, bringing a scowl to the visible portion of Kakashi’s face.

“Oh, dear…” Iruka chuckled. He turned and slipped into the kitchen, leaving Kakashi to look after him.

“What does that mean?”

\----------------

Iruka wasn’t a heartless person. In fact, most people who knew him thought he was a really nice guy. But even the kind-hearted teacher was getting a sick kind of pleasure out of watching the famous jounin suffer. Kakashi was a whiner - moaning, sighing, and occasionally begging for death.  Iruka just smirked and graded his papers, letting the man wallow in his own self-pity. He supplied tea and water as necessary, but generally left the man to himself.

He had been at Kakashi's apartment for a few hours when Kakashi crawled out of the bathroom for the 6th time and collapsed onto the makeshift bed he had made in the hallway. Iruka got up and went over to where the sick man was laying. Kakashi looked up at him, left eye closed, right eye as red as the sharingan.

“Why are you here?” he asked hoarsely.

Iruka folded his arms and leaned against the wall. “Like I said before, Kurenai called me.”

Kakashi shook his head and shifted under the blankets. “No, I mean, really. Why? I don’t think you even like me.”

Iruka shifted his gaze and didn’t speak for a moment.

“See?” Kakashi muttered.

“Kakashi-san,” Iruka said. “You and I may not agree on a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let one of my comrades suffer.” (Too much, he didn’t add.) “I mean, if Ibiki-san would have called me I would have gone and helped him, just the same as you.”

Kakashi’s eye narrowed. “That doesn’t really make me feel any better.”

Iruka smiled down at him. “Can I get you anything?”

Kakashi shook his head and snuggled a bit under his blanket.  Iruka suppressed a grin.  He'd realized early on that he was dealing with nothing more than a really big, really deadly child. The man was almost cute in his helplessness. Iruka left Kakashi to a fitful sleep and returned to the living room and his student's reports.  

He had been sitting back at the low table for awhile when a knock at the door made him look up from his papers. Kakashi hadn't gotten sick in almost an hour, but Iruka doubted that he wanted any more visitors. He glanced over to where the other man was dozing in the hallway and got up to open the door.

He paused there, a slow smile spreading across his face at the sight of the three people standing in front of him.

“Oh! Hello, Iruka-sensei!” Sakura said brightly. “Why are you here?”

He leaned against the doorframe, a conspiratorial glint in his eyes. “I should ask you the same thing.”

Sasuke was grinning toothily, a look that was a little off-putting on the normally scowling child. “We heard Kakashi-sensei was sick…”

“And came to see if we could help.” Naruto finished with a sweet smile.

Iruka studied them distrustfully.  They all gazed back, the epitome of innocence.

“C’mon in…” Iruka said slowly, ushering them in through the door. “I’m glad to see you’re all feeling better,” he continued.

“Well, we’re mostly better,” Sakura said truthfully as they slipped off their sandals. “But when we heard Kakashi-sensei was sick, we just knew we had to come see him!” Her voice was saccharine with sarcasm.

Iruka shook his head, “You three are evil,” he whispered.

Their eyes glinted as they grinned.

By this time, Kakashi had woken up and was poking his head around the wall.

“Oh god,” he groaned when he caught sight of his students standing next to Iruka. “Not you three.”

“Why, sensei!” Sasuke called out. “Aren’t you glad to see us? We brought some things that I’m sure will make you feel better.”

Kakashi leaned up on one elbow, looking at the kids dubiously. “Oh?”

Iruka was standing apart from them, snickering into the back of his hand.

“We figured since we couldn’t all go out for barbeque the other night, we would bring you some ourselves!” Sakura walked over to him, pulling a large carry-out box from her bag. Kakashi started to lean away as she opened its top and shoved it under his nose.

Even from several feet away Iruka thought the food smelled off, so he wasn’t surprised when the jounin paled and dove for the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Sakura turned to her former teacher with a look of mock surprise on her face. “Oh, I guess Kakashi-sensei still isn’t feeling very well.”

Naruto was giggling next to Sasuke, who was trying to look like he wasn’t enjoying himself as much as he was. “Alright you three,” Iruka said, still grinning himself. “You’ve gotten your revenge.”

“Aw, sensei,” Naruto cried. “We haven’t even gotten to the best part!” He pulled a jar of fuzzy-looking green liquid out of his bag.

Iruka grimaced. “What is that?”

The blond boy shrugged. “Dunno, I found it in my fridge.”

Iruka took the jar delicately from the child and set it in the trashcan. “How about I make some tea, and you guys can fill me in on what I’ve missed in your lives lately.”

The three kids smiled, ignoring the sounds of their current sensei suffering in the bathroom.

“Sounds great!” they chorused.

Iruka looked at them for a moment, amazed at the evil intentions behind their sweet faces. 

Konoha certainly had some dangerous weapons up its sleeve.

 


	6. Chapter 5

**Two Days After the Prologue**

A week after the first major outbreak of the illness, the Hokage called an emergency meeting of instructors and team leaders to address the epidemic.  They had all filed into the largest conference room in the headquarters, doing their best to stay as far away from one another as possible.  Not that it mattered – most of them were in varying stages of the illness.  

Asuma and Kurenai leaned on one another, the bearded man, for once, devoid of his cigarette.  His girlfriend stared vacantly across the room taking slow and measured breaths.  Ibiki stood apart from everyone in the corner, mouth in a tight line, looking as if he were trying to move his head as little as possible.  Kakashi appeared to be channeling Sasuke from a few days earlier, scowling out of his visible eye, shoulders hunched and slouching against a window ledge.  Genma sat on a cushion a few spaces away, swaying slightly as his face slowly turned green. 

Anko was standing in the back of the room, as far away from everyone as possible and looking positively terrified.  She hadn’t gotten sick yet. 

Iruka was the only person in the room who was of normal pallor.  The effects of the virus had almost completely worn off, and he had spent the morning disinfecting his classroom with heavy bleach. 

The Hokage himself was looking gruffer than usual, his hat pulled down low over his eyes in an apparent attempt to block out the light coming through the windows.  On the leader’s left side, standing beside an ANBU guard, was a pleasant-looking doctor. 

The only person in the room besides Iruka who didn’t look completely miserable was Hayate.  He was chattering happily in the corner to Izumo and Kotetsu, who were both hunched like vultures.

“Yeah,” he was saying as the final instructors filed into the room. “The hospital’s pumped me so full of drugs to try and fix my damn lungs that I don’t think I’ll get sick from anything ever again!” 

Izumo gave him a weak smile and Kotetsu muttered, “That’s great.”  

Everyone else was sitting quietly.  They were waiting on one person.  Nobody had heard from him that morning and they didn’t know if he had been stricken with the virus.  Quite frankly, they all secretly hoped that he was tucked away at home in his bed. 

But he wasn’t.  

Gai burst through the door with enough vigor to embed the doorknob in the wall beside him. 

 “I hear many of my fellow shinobi are not feeling well!” he exclaimed.  

Across the room, Ibiki closed his eyes and brought a hand up to massage his temples.  Gai’s eyes filled with tears at the sight of his stricken comrades.  

“Never fear!” he bellowed.  “I have prepared my famous ginger and seaweed pastry balls – guaranteed to cure even the worst illness!” 

He held up a tray stacked with khaki green lumps.  The smell of the pastries wafted across the room and assaulted Genma who lurched for the door, one hand covering his mouth.  Kurenai made a noise of disgust which was drowned out by the sound of Genma being sick into a very unfortunate potted plant in the hallway.  

“Gai,” the Hokage growled. “Get those damn things out of here.” 

Gai looked wounded but he leaned back out the door and set the tray down in the hallway.  Genma cried out in dismay as he looked up from the planter to find the snot-green concoction next to him. The deflated Gai took up the recently vacated floor cushion as the room’s other occupants glared at him.  

Somewhere from the vicinity of the window ledges, someone muttered “Constitution of an ox." 

“Alright everyone,” the Hokage grumbled.  “Let’s get this over with.”  

He gestured with his pipe at the medic standing next to him.  “This is Doctor Yamanaka.  He’s been kind enough to offer some insight into what’s been going on in the village.” 

The doctor smiled and bowed in acknowledgment, “Thank you, Hokage-sama.  Well, everyone, the good news is: it won’t kill you.” 

 Someone snorted from the back of the room.  The medic ignored it and continued.  “Unfortunately, there’s not much we can do about it.  Once you have it you just have to, uh, let it work its way out of your system.” 

The ABNU guard next to him teetered and listed slightly to one side.  The doctor reached out to steady him, not missing a beat.  “Tell your students to drink lots of fluids and get as much rest as possible.  No training for at least 2 days once they show symptoms.” 

Iruka turned to glare at Kakashi who was staring pointedly at the ceiling.  

“If you can’t hold down any liquids, come see us.  But generally, try to stay indoors as much as possible.”  He gave them a knowing smile.  “Hang in there.  This should all pass over in another couple weeks.” 

He bowed to the Hokage and strode out into the hallway, stopping to help Genma who was trying to crawl back into the conference room.  He linked a supportive arm around the man’s waist and they started down the hall together. 

There was a collective shifting as they all watched Genma totter away. 

“Well,” the Hokage sighed.  “Gods willing none of our enemies have gotten wind of this.  It would be just our luck for someone to attack us now.  Though this could make a very effective form of bio-warfare.”    

A chuckle floated up from the the front of the crowd and the people surrounding Gai shifted to glare at him. 

“Alright now,” the Hokage continued.  “All of you who are still sick, go home and get some rest.  Academy instructors, please remain after the meeting to discuss the upcoming academy exams.” 

__________

Iruka was feeling good now that the virus had completely left his system.  As often occurred after violent illnessess, he felt particularly happy to be alive.  He was halfway back to his apartment when someone suddenly fell into step beside him.  Iruka was surprised to look up into the masked face of Kakashi, who was strolling alongside him gracefully.  

“Ah, hello Kakashi-san,” he said pleasantly, feeling rather charitable in his good health.  “You're looking a bit better today.” 

Kakashi rubbed absently at the back of his head.  “Hmm.  Well, I’m certainly glad to be up off my bathroom floor.”  

They walked on in silence for a few moments, passing through the market in the center of the village.  Most of the stalls were closed and the few people that were in the streets were skirting uneasily around the open shops. 

“So are you glad to be back at work?” 

“More or less.  All the kids are antsy from being at home for so long, so the past couple days have been interesting.” 

They walked on in a silence that wasn’t _quite_ awkward.    

“Listen,” Kakashi said finally.  “I never properly thanked you for taking care of me the other day.”  

“Really, it was nothing.  I was glad to do it.” 

Kakashi snorted.  “I'm sure you were. I hope you'll at least let me reciprocate somtime.” 

It was Iruka’s turn to laugh.  “I certainly hope I’m not that sick again anytime soon.” 

Kakashi chuckled again.  “Of course, of course.” 

They walked in silence for a few moments before Kakashi spoke again.  “Well, how about dinner?” 

Iruka looked sidelong at the man next to him, who was gazing nonchalantly up at the clouds.  Iruka smiled slightly.  “I can do dinner.”  

“Good!”  Kakashi said brightly.  Iruka smiled as a small bounce appeared in the jounin’s step.  

_All in all_ , Iruka thought, _this whole week had turned out for the best_.  

 


End file.
